A Perfect World

Southaven, Ms

By: Mike Upchurch

A Perfect World

If I could design a perfect world in which to live…..well, perfect for me anyway…..in that world, all spiders, no matter what size, would wear tap shoes and a flashing light strapped to their little demon looking heads, so I would know where they were at all times. No wait, check that….in my world spiders wouldn’t even exist!

In my perfect world, Cinnabons® cinnamon rolls, when consumed, would actually burn any fat stored in the body.

In my pain free world, prescription pain relievers would come in wrappers like M&M’s and be around a buck and a quarter a bag. (Hey, don’t judge me if you don’t have Arthritis!)

In my world of bliss, any neighbor’s dog who barked nonstop at me after having met me, and barked at me while I was in my own yard rather than coming over to be petted, would immediately find their bark sounding like the delightful little laugh of a Minion.

In my world, mean or rude people would be given a chance to repent and be nice, or be turned into plastic balls and placed in Moon Bounces, thus bringing joy to hundreds of children!

In my world, anyone who parked over the white lines of a parking spot and dinged or dented other people’s car doors getting out, would come back to find their car occupied by an old, mangy, flea infested coyote who is unable to control his bladder.

In my world, EVERYONE would believe in God and would worship Him with all their heart, and would walk in love!

In my little world, shoppers who didn’t return baskets to their stalls in the parking lot would then always get a basket with one wheel locked sideways and one squeaky wheel that’s also flat spotted. Always.

In my world liars, especially politicians, would self-combust with any lie spoken OR written!

In my peaceful world, angry protestors who destroy businesses or damage personal property would immediately have an rabid, disease ridden Tasmanian Devil chained to their ankles. Good luck!

In my wisdom filled world, any millennials showing a disdain for authority and an inability to cope would not be able to enter college until they had served two years in the military. Maybe four.

In my world, parents who ignore their screaming, tantrum throwing children in public would only be allowed to shop on Tuesday afternoons, and the rest of us would know to stay away on Tuesday afternoon. Problem solved.

In my world, drinking fountains would dispense ice cold Yoo-hoo®.

In that yummy world of mine, Starbucks® coffee would be 17 cents a cup. Or two for a quarter. With free refills.

In that world, anyone caught sexually molesting a child would report each week to the nearest Nursing Home where they would lick all the bed pans clean. Thoroughly.

In that perfect world, there would only be one nightly News Broadcast, and it would be staffed by slightly nervous anchors wired to high voltage transformers. Any detection of a lie told would result in thousands of volts of electricity being sent to said anchor, with their ashes then swept up and a new anchor brought in.

In my world of peace, if you pull up next to me in traffic and your car stereo is louder than mine with my windows up, and the song is spewing profanity, your car battery explodes. Ahhhh, silence.

In my paradise, any Hollywood movie stars making political speeches during awards shows and espousing views contrary to Christian beliefs would make $10 an hour with no overtime throughout their careers. As a matter of fact, liberally opinionated movie star elitists and comedians who forced their godless and vile opinions on the masses would not be paid. Ever. Hey, remember, it’s my world. You can design your own.

In my world, any driver who passes dozens of cars to be at the front of my lane, knowing for over a mile that their lane ended in 500 feet, would be held in place by large burly bikers and forced to wait till EVERY car they passed goes by.

In that perfect world, if you’re in front of me in the Express Lane at Kroger and have a shopping cart filled to overflowing, you pay for my grocery items, and I go in front of you as well.

In that serene world of mine, any mobs blocking interstate roadways to protest Law Enforcement would have rotting three week-old fish intestines dropped on them from drones. You can peacefully protest, you just can’t shut down commerce!

In my world, John Wayne would be resurrected and would be President of the United States till the world ended, ruling with matching Colt 45’s and a long gun! The Nation’s Capital would be relocated to the Texas prairie, where Senators and members of Congress would have to hunt for their food and live in tents…..all while earning minimum wage. That should eliminate a lot of campaigning.

Alas, they’re only my demented day dreams, as we occupy a very cursed and broken world while here. There are in fact spiders, and mean people, and crooked politicians, and sexual perverts, and liars, and other such irritants. However…..there is coming a day when we who confess Jesus as our Savior will be transported to a very perfect world indeed, a world with no death or sickness or suffering. A world with no liars, or angry protestors, or mean people allowed! A world that will truly be a Paradise for all eternity! Until that day, I must be content to dream!

Then I saw a new heaven and a new earth; for the first heaven and the first earth passed away, and there is no longer any sea. And I saw the holy city, new Jerusalem, coming down out of heaven from God, made ready as a bride adorned for her husband. And I heard a loud voice from the throne, saying, “Behold, the tabernacle of God is among men, and He will dwell among them, and they shall be His people, and God Himself will be among them, and He will wipe away every tear from their eyes; and there will no longer be any death; there will no longer be any mourning, or crying, or pain; the first things have passed away.” And He who sits on the throne said, “Behold, the I am making all things new.” And He said, “Write, for these words are faithful and true.” Then He said to me, “It is done. I am the Alpha and the Omega, the beginning and the end. I will give to the one who thirsts from the spring of the water of life without cost. He who overcomes will inherit these things, and I will be his God and he will be My son. But for the cowardly and unbelieving and abominable and murderers and immoral persons and sorcerers and idolaters and all liars, their part will be in the lake that burns with fire and brimstone, which is the second death.”
‭‭Revelation‬ ‭21:1-8

Pastor Mike