Southaven, Ms

By: Mike Upchurch

The Maker of all human beings (God) is recalling all units manufactured, regardless of make or year, due to a serious defect in the primary and central component of the heart.

This is due to a malfunction in the original prototype units code named Adam and Eve, resulting in the reproduction of the same defect in all subsequent units.

This defect has been technically termed  “Sub-sequential Internal Non-morality,” more commonly known as S.I.N. as it is primarily expressed. 

Some of the symptoms include: 

1. Loss of direction 

2. Foul vocal emissions 

3. Amnesia of origin 

4. Lack of peace and joy 

5. Selfish or violent behavior 

6. Depression or confusion in the mental component 

7. Fearfulness 

8. Idolatry

9. Rebellion 

The Manufacturer, who is neither liable nor at fault for this defect, is providing factory-authorized repair and service free of charge to correct this defect.The Repair Technician, JESUS, has most generously offered to bear the entire burden of the staggering cost of these repairs. There is no additional fee required. 

The number to call for repair in all areas is:


Once connected, please upload your burden of SIN through the REPENTANCE procedure. Next, download ATONEMENT from the Repair Technician, Jesus, into the heart component.   

No matter how big or small the SIN defect is, Jesus will replace it with: 

1. Love 

2. Joy 

3. Peace 

4. Patience 

5. Kindness 

6. Goodness 

7. Faithfulness 

8. Gentleness 

9. Self control   

Please see the operating manual, the B.I.B.L.E. (Basic Instructions Before Leaving Earth) for further details on the use of these repairs.

WARNING: Continuing to operate the human being unit without correction voids any manufacturer warranties, exposing the unit to dangers and problems too numerous to list and will result in the human unit being permanently impounded. For free emergency service, call on Jesus.   

DANGER: The human being units not responding to this recall action will have to be scrapped in the furnace. The SIN defect will not be permitted to enter Heaven so as to prevent contamination of that facility. Thank you for your attention!   

– The Lord God
(Author unknown)

That’s right folks!  You’re defective unless you’ve had a heart transplant and removed the sin defect!  No sin, let me repeat, NO sin, will be allowed to enter heaven!  Which means if your sin hasn’t been washed away by the blood of Jesus, then you can’t enter Heaven!  

Confess your sins and get a clean heart, and live in Heaven forever when you leave this earth!

I’ll see you there!

Pastor Mike